


We're Falling Apart, But Coming Together

by social_reject



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Hockey, M/M, figure skating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 21:12:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5179901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_reject/pseuds/social_reject
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how far apart they were, stood on opposite sides of the locker room, this was Ashton he was talking about. Ashton, the boy who had encouraged Luke to be himself. Ashton, the boy who had vigilantly and with all of himself protected Luke and his feelings first and foremost. Ashton, the boy he’d shared his first kiss with. Ashton his first best friend. Just, Ashton, in as many and as little words and memories that floated between them. Luke took a tentative step forward, into the heartache and beauty of friendship loved and lost, his heart thudding and ramming against his chest.</p><p>Luke and Ashton grow up together; respectively as a figure skater and hockey player. But no matter the differences or the distance between them, they can always count on the fact that they are inevitably two halves of a whole, drawn to each other by an undeniable attraction and a mutual understanding of the other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're Falling Apart, But Coming Together

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this since August, yeah, I'm pretty excited to finally be posting it!! I really hope you enjoy!

Twinkle lights strung up all around the skating rink casted glistening spots on the ice below Luke’s feet. His new skates had blades as sharp as ice itself; light shining them anew. He took a deep breath, his shaking hand gripping the rail around the ice. His nervous knees rattled his legs, his little limbs wobbly as he tested the waters; his foot searching for balance as his gloved hands began to let go of the rail. All too suddenly he was back clutching the rail, an incoming skater rushing past him, vertigo attacking his senses as he desperately held on, the fear of falling worse than the fall itself. He squeezed his eyes shut, his grip tightening as he tried to breathe evenly.

“C’mon Lukey, you’re okay,” a familiar and calming voice lulled behind him. His eyes sprang open as his fears were momentarily washed away as Ashton skated up and around to him, a toothy grin plastered on his glowing face, encouraging Luke with no further words needed.

“I’m scared,” Luke admitted reaching one of his hands out to grasp onto Ashton’s own outstretched one, the other still securely wrapped around the rail.

“It’s okay, I’m right here,” Ashton assured, slowly coaxing Luke off the rail.

“Promise you won’t let go?” Luke desperately asked, his grip slowly unfurling, the rest of his body catching up to the hand Ashton held.

“I promise,” Ashton swore, crossing his heart over his jacket with his free hand.

With all of his trust in Ashton, Luke held on, the ice below them gliding under their skates as Ashton led them around the rink, weaving in and out of people. Their small bodies were pressed close together as they managed to stay side by side, not interrupting the flow of the other skaters. The more Luke glided along the ice, Ashton’s hand still wrapped around his, the more free he felt. They kept going and going, circles skated beneath them, carving paths into the ice as they rounded the rink over and over again. Luke was familiarizing himself with the balance, confidence surging through him.

“You can let go now,” Luke said as they slowed.

“Are you sure?” Ashton questioned, looking towards his younger friend.

Luke swallowed the lump in his throat, his confidence wavering uncertainly for a moment until he made up his mind and nodded, “Yeah. Just stay close.”

Ashton hesitantly let go of Luke’s hand, keeping pace with him as Luke adjusted to balancing all on his own. Soon enough, he had mastered it, they skated a bit slower than before; Luke not quite ready to speed along the way Ashton was so trained to do. Luke had sworn to himself that over winter break he was going to learn how to skate, always sat on the bleachers at Ashton’s little league hockey games. Next year, when he entered the age range for little league, he was going to sign up, that way he could be just like Ashton.

“See? It’s not so bad,” Ashton encouraged, Luke able to pick up their speed a little bit. “I’m proud of you Lukey.”

Luke’s chest filled with warmth at the sentimental words. They circled around once more, their parents waving at them from off the ice, a proud smile on his mother’s face as she snapped a photo, the flash lost within all the other lights surrounding them. Slowly, but surely, they were able to rush their pace, flying in circles around the ice, racing each other with giggles following them. Ashton came to a stop, Luke quickly following suit, cocking his head to the side in questioning.

“We should go get food,” Ashton suggested, a little finger pointed to the concession stand just off the ice.

“But I want to keep skating,” Luke said, all concept of time and hunger lost to him with the freeing feeling.

“We can get hot chocolate,” Ashton propositioned, Luke immediately brightening at the thought.

“Then come right back?” Luke asked, hope filling the words to the brim.

Ashton giggled, a smile lighting up his face, “Of course!”

They set off, wrangling the skates off their feet and tucking them into their winter boots, money handed to them from their mothers for the concession stand. The closer they got to the stand, the line thinning out as people got their orders, the more Luke realized he was starving. Now that they were off the ice and out of the moment the cold had caught up to him, chilling his body to the bone. He tugged his jacket closer around him and buried his arms within the sleeves, huddling closer to Ashton who always seemed to emanate warmth.

Ashton ordered for them, his few inches on Luke providing a better look up the counter. Once their food and hot chocolate was placed in front of them, Ashton handed Luke’s to him and led him to a bench, his own food in tow. They sat, blissfully silent as they ate and drank, the hot chocolate warming Luke from the inside out. The hot cup unfroze Luke’s fingers, heat seeping past his gloves.

Luke watched the skaters on the ice, captivated by the way they moved, one lady in particular spinning with a grace that was foreign to Luke. The way she bent and curved, her long legs bending to her will, forming a magical ice dance right before Luke’s eyes.

“Ashton?” Luke broke the barrier of silence that had surrounded them.

Ashton looked over at him, past a mouthful of pretzel, he answered, “Yeah?”

“Can you teach me to do that?” Luke questioned, his gloved hand pointing out the lady. She’d begun a new spin, one foot on the ice, the other stretched up over her head, held in place by her hands.

Ashton laughed in reply, “No. That’s figure skating. I only play hockey.”

Luke was bummed out by the answer, but shrugged it off. He could learn on his own. He could replicate the beauty of it all. He could feel just as beautiful as it looked. Luke slid closer to Ashton on the bench, their bodies pressed close together for extra warmth as he raised his hot chocolate up to his mouth, promising himself he’d figure out how to do that.

*

Christmas music bled through the malls speakers, scents of cinnamon and cookies drifting through the air as they passed the food court. Luke held onto his mother’s hand, the frenzy of last minute shoppers shrouding around them. On his arm he held a bag, one of his older brothers gifts tucked neatly inside the tissue paper. His mother held numerous bags, presents for everyone except Luke inside. His mother sighed, satisfied that they’d seemingly finished the chore.

Just as they were headed towards the exit Luke remembered the money tucked in his pocket and what he had planned to do with it, “Wait!”

“What? Did we forget something?” His mother, Liz, asked, frantically searching her bags for a forgotten item, checking that her purse was still strapped around her.

“I want to get Ashton something!” Luke exclaimed, Liz breathing out in relief.

“You should have said something earlier. We just went all through the mall,” she reminded but chuckled at the way her son had become so animated.

Luke rocked back and forth on his heels, a hopeful look donning his face. “I forgot. But then I remembered.”

Liz scooped him up, shuffling her bags around as she did so, “Where to Little Man?”

Luke hooked his arms around her neck and told her of the store he wanted to go to. He’d found a catalogue in the mail, a certain something peeking his interest, just knowing that Ashton would love it. They fled to the store, over the top Christmas decorations twinkling and singing at them as they entered. Liz set Luke back on the ground, letting him lead the way to the potential present for Ashton. They came up to a jewelry stand, Liz squinting in slight bafflement as her son placed his face up against the glass, his eyes feverishly searching the rows of jewelry.

“Right here!” He announced, twisting to look at his mother, then nodding his head in the general direction of the present.

A charm was neatly laid out on display, the fake gold set inside a small velvet box. Luke bounced on the balls of his feet as he showed his mother the gift. The color matched exactly to the chain Ashton had gotten for his birthday that had been handed down to him from his grandfather. Luke thought it would add a little bit more sparkle to the pretty chain. A worker came over, opened the case for them and let Luke inspect it, the charm tumbling around his fingers as he searched it over contemplatively. A pair of skates was engraved into the shiny surface.

“It’s perfect,” Luke concluded handing it back to the worker confidently.

It was wrapped up for him, placed inside the small velvet box, and then submerged beneath tissue paper in a sparkly blue bag. Liz was about to reach for her wallet to pay when Luke stopped her, reaching into his pocket, his allowance weighing heavily as he brought it out. He’d saved up just enough money to purchase it over the past few weeks. He handed the money over and received the bag, his excitement uncontained as he skipped out of the store, counting down the days until Christmas.

*

Delicious aromas of Christmas dinner wafted through the house, up to Luke’s room where he and Ashton were sprawled out on his bed, a Christmas movie on in the background. Ashton’s mom was downstairs with Luke’s parents, the adult conversation boring to the children, Jack and Ben finding refuge in their bedroom, Luke and Ashton finding solace in Luke’s. Their annual tradition of Christmas Eve was not interrupted, their families coming together each year to celebrate.

“We’re going to my grandpa’s tomorrow morning,” Ashton said. “But we can play in the afternoon.”

Luke nodded eagerly, excited to give Ashton his present, “Okay! Do you want your present now or then?”

Ashton thought it over for a moment until he responded, “When do you want yours?”

Luke bounced on the bed, unsure if he could wait until tomorrow. On one hand, it would be fun to open them early, on the other, it would be more magical to open them on Christmas day. He decided to wait, as excited as he was, the actual day would make it that much better.

“Tomorrow,” Luke said, Ashton nodding in agreement.

They settled back on the bed, their attention averted back to the movie, their limbs tangled together under the sheets for warmth. Luke had started to doze off, his head lulled onto Ashton’s shoulder, Ashton twisting to accommodate the new weight. His own eyes closing as sleep overpowered him.

They’d woken to a knock on the door, the announcement of dinner being ready having them bolting out of the bed, racing each other down the stairs. They claimed their seats, next to each other, never across or far apart. Jauntiness worked its way through Luke, Christmas stories being shared around the table, easy banter and conversation filling the air. Reminiscing brought them back to how their parents had met, sometime in college Anne and Liz had become nearly inseparable.  

Luke and Ashton giggled amongst themselves as they ate dinner, planning out wild adventures for the next day. Luke couldn’t wait to give Ashton his present, it was tucked away in his closet, away from Ashton’s curious eyes. Ashton was wearing the chain, the gold glinting in the overhead light, Luke just imagining the charm dangling from it already. Once the food had been nearly emptied from the table and talks of making dessert had begun, Luke looked to Ashton, nodding his head in the direction of the stairs. Ashton nodded back and off they raced, Ashton just barely getting to Luke’s room before him.

“I win,” Ashton giggled as he threw himself on the bed.

“Not fair. You’re taller than me,” Luke complained half-heartedly as he too hurdled himself onto the bed, a collision of bodies rolling on the mattress.

“But you had a head start,” Ashton laughed, lightly pushing the fallen boy off of him.

Luke rocked his head back and forth as he rolled his eyes, letting the words fall over him, “So? You’re still taller.”

Ashton shook his own head back and forth this time, the argument dying around them as they succumbed to giggles, clutching their stomachs with happiness. Luke held onto that happiness all through the night, it being amplified as he woke Christmas morning to presents under the tree and his family smiling around him. He was lost in a sea of brightly colored gift wrap, toys and trinkets alike. Their annual Christmas breakfast was filled with sugary syrup, melted butter, and fluffy pancakes, uplifting Luke’s already elated mood.

During midmorning the whole family had settled down from their early morning start, Luke laying on the couch, watching the clock, counting down the hours until Ashton would be home. His ears were trained to hear the rumble of the car pulling in next door, his feet quick as he’d make his escape out the door with promises of being home for dinner thrown over his shoulder. Ashton got home around two, Luke in his driveway, clutching the small blue bag as Ashton clamored out of the car and greeted him with a smile.

Luke ran up and hugged Ashton, wishing him and his mother a Merry Christmas as they wandered inside and to Ashton’s room. Luke jumped up on the bunkbed, the top bunk usually vacant at their sleepovers. They would usually pass out together on the bottom bunk, whispering and giggling well into the night until their tiredness took over.

“Here! You open your present first,” Luke exclaimed, thrusting the gift bag into Ashton’s awaiting arms.

Ashton reached inside the bag, pulling out the small velvet box, his face wrinkled in wonder as he opened it and beamed over at Luke, a grin from ear to ear, an undeniable twinkle in his eyes, “Thank you Lukey!”

“It’s for your chain,” Luke explained, gesturing at the chain around Ashton’s neck.

“It’s perfect,” Ashton complimented, eagerly slipping the charm onto the chain where it would hang just below his heart. “Now your turn!”

Ashton bounded off the bed and to his dresser where he opened the top drawer and pulled out a small wrapped box, happily skipping it over to Luke who was coursing with excitement. Luke took the box from Ashton and tore open the paper, a white cardboard box sitting inside the remains. He opened the lid of the box and pulled out custom laces. On the end of the white laces was the embroidered initials L.H. in black.

“They’re laces for your new skates. I figured they’d work for hockey skates or figure skates,” Ashton said through a smile.

Luke was brought back to the ice rink, how he had wished he could spin and twirl the way the woman had. His heart soared and jumped around in his chest as he realized Ashton had remembered that. He thrust his arms around Ashton’s shoulders without warning, the pair tumbling onto the bed as Luke thanked him profusely.

“I can’t wait to use them!” Luke exclaimed, utter anticipation driving through his body. “We should go skating tomorrow!”

“I can teach you how to properly lace up your skates,” Ashton agreed, Luke nodding animatedly back at him. Last time they’d gone skating he had to have his mother lace him up while Ashton did his own. But by tomorrow, that would be much different. He figured he’d be a professional in no time.

*

Ashton was trying to teach Luke all he needed to know about hockey, proper maneuvering with the stick, how to handle the puck, but it went way over Luke’s head. He thought that hockey would be fun, but out on the ice with his sole focus being a darn puck, he couldn’t care less. It wasn’t fun. He wanted to spin, to jump, and to feel his body flying around the rink like he had been while holding Ashton’s hand.

“This isn’t fun anymore,” Luke called out, throwing his stick to the ground in frustration.

Ashton skated up to him, his own stick in hand as he kept up with the puck, “You don’t have to play hockey, Lukey. We can just skate.”

Luke was quick to agree, discarding the stick over the rail, only a few people on the ice that day. Luke was reveling in the feeling of skating beside Ashton, their conversation pretty mum as they flew in circles on the ice, Luke trying to teach himself how to spin. He’d grabbed Ashton’s hands, daring to try and spin them, his balance and love of the feeling intensifying as he let go, cutting to a sharp stop as he did so. If there was one thing he was sure of; he hated hockey for the sake that you weren’t allowed to do that. Hockey was too focused for Luke, all he wanted to do was make up moves on the ice, to be liberated as he spun round and round.

Once they had retired from the ice, positions sat on a bench close by, their mothers keeping watchful eyes on them from a distance, Ashton looked at Luke contemplatively.

“So I guess we won’t be playing hockey together next year,” Ashton observed. “You should sign up for figure skating instead.”

“You think so?” Luke asked, hope shining the blue of his eyes. “Ben and Jack said it’s girly.”

“So what? When have you ever listened to them before? If you like it, you should do it,” Ashton reassured, his stamp of approval more important than Ben and Jack’s teasing.

“I will!” Luke exclaimed determinedly. “Thanks Ash.”

Ashton flung an arm over Luke’s shoulders and smiled down at him encouragingly, Luke’s determination finding a new light as it glowed within him from the simple act of a smile.

*

After that day at the rink with Ashton’s words of encouragement Luke had asked his mother about it, she’d been a thousand percent supportive of Luke’s decision, the hockey skates they’d gotten him being exchanged for figure skates. Luke had immediately laced in his custom laces from Ashton, after a lesson from Ashton how to lace them properly. Ever since then he’d been having private lessons year round, bettering himself in every way possible. Soon enough he was able to replicate the moves the woman had done, but not without a lot of hard work and training, and was able to emulate the beauty of it. The matter of the fact was, when Luke was on the ice, he felt himself; free, untroubled, happy.

Most of his classmates didn’t really pay much mind to the fact that Luke figured skated, they’d already known him and liked him, but he couldn’t say as much for the upper classmen. How a year of being older could entitle you to bullying someone over something so trivial was beyond Luke, and yet he’d had to endure it when he entered first grade. If the payoff and love of skating wasn’t so high, Luke would have stopped, for the sake of the bullies stopping as well. But he just couldn’t simply stop doing something he loved so much.

He found himself cornered in by some evil second graders, his back pressed against the slide, his lip quivering as the insults flew at him. His mother and father had always said ‘sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you’, but as the boys pressed him in further, their words becoming more snarled and hatred filled, Luke was sure that wasn’t true. His heart hurt, his eyes were burning, and his hands were shaking as the words continued to spear him in the gut; twisting and menacing.

“Hey! Back off,” Ashton’s voice broke through the haze of hate.

Luke’s vision sharpened as he wiped away a threatening tear, Ashton forcibly backing the boys away from him, defenses up high as he managed to make his way to Luke’s side.

“It’s not funny,” Ashton said next, a scolding tone to his voice, the other boys laughing it off cruelly. Ashton shot them a death glare, his eyes speaking words he didn’t have to, the simple look getting the message across.

And with that, the boys scattered, their fun short lived as they realized someone was willing to put a stop to it. Once the crowd had dispersed to other parts of the playground and all that was left was Ashton, the wind, and Luke’s teary eyes, silence ensued as Ashton shook his head sadly, stepping closer and wrapping Luke in a hug. Luke’s small hands clutched at the fabric of Ashton’s shirt, his fists shaking as he tried so hard to keep the sobs inside himself.

“I don’t understand,” Luke said, cracks like pavement in his voice.

Instead of articulating a reply that would help Luke understand, because in these situations there is no understanding, Ashton ran one hand through Luke’s hair, the other tracing circles on his back, whispered words amounting to nothing other than failed reassurances drove through Luke. His grip on Ashton’s shirt tightened as he pressed closer into him, his face smushed against Ashton’s shoulder, his eyes closing as he worked on evening out his breathing, trying to match pace with Ashton.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. They don’t mean anything Lukey. Don’t ever listen to them, okay?”

Luke nodded against Ashton’s shoulder as the bell rang, signifying the end of recess. Luke didn’t want to part ways with Ashton, but being a year apart, they weren’t in the same class. That didn’t stop Ashton from walking Luke to his classroom though, still protectively wrapped around each other; as if Luke could lean the weight of his world on Ashton’ shoulders without him so much as flinching. They had to separate then, at the classroom door where Luke’s classmates were filing in.

“You’re walking home with me today right?” Luke asked hopefully. Ashton either walked home or got a ride with his mother if her shifts as the hospital allowed it. Luke usually walked with his older brothers if Ashton was picked up, but walking home with Ashton was the best in Luke’s opinion.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you here after the bell rings,” Ashton promised, giving Luke one last reassuring squeeze.

Ashton took off down the hall, his pace quick so he wouldn’t be late to his own classroom. Luke watched him leave, his heart weighing heavy in his chest as he brought himself into the classroom, his seat vacant, the teacher already at the board. Luke slipped into his seat unnoticed by the teacher, but a few of his friends in his class noticed the mood shift in Luke. While he was glad he had friends his own age, they were nothing compared to the friendship he had with Ashton. They didn’t stick up for him the way Ashton did, they didn’t encourage him the way Ashton did, they didn’t push him to be his best. Maybe that was asking a lot at six years old, but there was something undeniably better about Ashton and Luke’s friendship.

Luke made it through the rest of the day without incident, Ashton meeting him at the door as promised. As they hit the sidewalk to take them home Ashton slowed slightly, Luke not realizing why until he looked up, his focus was caught on not stepping on the cracks. Upon looking up he realized a few of the boys from recess were walking just ahead of them. They stayed behind them, Ashton keeping Luke a safe distance away until they made it home. They didn’t speak of the incident again, they focused on their homework, and that was okay with Luke.

*

Thirteen candles lined a frosted cake, their flames flickering as the party goers finished out singing. Luke looked at Ashton who was visibly embarrassed by all the attention being solely on him. Luke had a perfect vantage point being next to him to see the red stain his cheeks and wrap around his neck; his tell of embarrassment. As soon as the song ended Ashton blew out the flames, his hazel eyes fluttering shut as he did so. This was the first year the boys had opted to have separate parties, their new friend groups too extensively large to handle all in one. While it was a little disappointing that they wouldn’t be sharing like usual, it was just another day for them to celebrate.

Luke tried to push down the feeling of being left out as Ashton’s hockey buddies crowded around him, inevitably forcing Luke to outside of the created circle. He reminded himself that it’s okay for Ashton to have other friends; it’s only normal that he did, that it’d be weird if he didn’t. He watched from the outskirts of the party for a while, content to sit with Ashton’s family, feeling more comfortable with them than with the hockey players. While the hockey team had never intentionally or specifically targeted Luke as bullies they had made it abundantly clear they weren’t fans of male figure skaters.

Ashton had always been quick to disagree with their sharp words, his softness filling Luke with hope and understanding that it’s okay for him to be who he is. Ashton wouldn’t want Luke to be anybody else, and that left a fire of conviction in Luke’s blood, he was always going to be the best him he possibly could. There is, after all, only one of him to go around. As the party came to a close and the guests left, Luke stayed, sprawled out on the living room couch waiting for Ashton to say his goodbyes. When the last guest left and the door shut behind Ashton, Luke sprang up from the couch, a grin plastered on his face as he cocked his head to the side.

“What’s that look for?” Ashton asked as he laughed, moving his way over to Luke.

“Nothing. Just- Happy Birthday,” Luke said sincerely, amazingly happy that he now had all of Ashton’s attention.

Ashton waved him off good naturedly, plopping himself down on the couch next to Luke, a sigh escaping his lips, “You’re sleeping over, right?”

Luke nodded in answer his tired body ready for sleep already. They retired early that night, curled up on the bottom bed of Ashton’s bunkbed. Behind closed eyes Luke grumbled through parted lips, “G’night Ashton.”

Ashton’s hand brushed Luke’s fringe out of his face, pushing it back as he leaned in closer for a snuggle. They were connected like puzzle pieces, all curved and crooked to form a perfect connection.

As Ashton’s finger tips traced Luke’s tired face he whispered out, “Good night Lukey, I love you.”

“I love you,” Luke managed to respond before slumber invaded him.

*

 The next year Luke had entered the seventh grade, a fresh set of faces greeting him as his new classmates. He’d be switching classes throughout the day, hoping to meet more people than ever before. He never had that much of a struggle making friends through school, once he’d weeded out the bad kids, it was rather easy to find people to connect with. Now, as all his old friends had separate classes from him, and Ashton was a grade above him, he started a new mission to find friends. So far, his day had been pretty quiet on that front, a few small exchanges of small talk transpiring, but no one he could see himself truly befriending.

He couldn’t wait for lunch though, the seventh and eighth graders having a combined time. He wanted to catch up with Ashton and ask him about his teachers and classes, and just be near him, in complete candor. That fell flat as Luke entered the cafeteria, not having a hard time spotting the curly haired boy, sat at a table with his hockey friends. Ashton’s eyes met his, an inviting head nod showing he wanted Luke to sit with them, but Luke declined with a shake of his head. Ashton seemed to ask if he was okay, the silent communication tugging down the corners of his mouth as he speculated. Luke nodded and shrugged it off, picking a random table to sit at to get away from Ashton’s contemplating eyes.

“Is it okay if I sit here?” Luke asked, standing at an empty seat, two other students at the mostly empty table.

“Yeah!” A boy piped up, moving his lunch box out of the way for Luke to set his tray of food down.

“Thanks,” Luke began, looking at the pair. A tanned boy with inquisitive brown eyes sat next to the spunky boy who smiled at Luke.

“I’m Michael, this is Calum,” he introduced waving over at his friend.

“Luke,” Luke said, a small blush creeping on his cheeks as the other two looked at him.

“You’re friends with Ashton right?” Calum asked, nodding his head in the direction of Ashton’s table. Luke nodded. “Why aren’t you sitting with him?”

“Calum that’s so rude,” Michael scolded, a scowl showing his disapproval.

“That’s alright,” Luke assured, pleasantly surprised at the boys boldness. “It’s just that he’s with the hockey team, so, I’ll just let him be with the hockey team.”

“They are a bit intimidating,” Calum tacked on understandingly. “Especially if you’re a little bit different than them.”

Michael nudged Calum’s arm as if to silence him but the look Luke received spoke volumes. They must know he figure skated. Anxiety swept through Luke momentarily until Calum quelled it all.

“I mean, I just play soccer, it’s not like we’re a different breed,” Calum ranted. “But they think they’re so high and mighty because of the championship title from last year. Well guess what? Half of them weren’t even on the team then and the other half were benched. They can-“

“Calm down?” Michael interjected, Calum mumbling to himself after the fact as Luke laughed.

“Y’know, they’re not all like that,” Luke defended, finding it weird to hear such hostile words towards them. Sure, Luke had some pretty bitter thoughts about them, not unjustly so, but all he could think about was Ashton.

Ashton was nowhere near that conceited. He was proud of himself for the things he had accomplished, but he was also proud of others. He was never one to show off, in fact, he was more of one to stand up for people. And now that the roles had been reversed and the talk came down to Ashton, Luke couldn’t sit there and listen to it.

“I didn’t mean Ashton in particular. He’s actually one of the only players I can stand,” Calum reassured. “Sorry to put you in that position.”

“It’s fine,” Luke said, waving it away. It truly didn’t matter.

He picked at his food, finding he wasn’t all that hungry, and the manner of the cafeteria food decreasing his appetite steadily. The three got caught up in talking, Michael asking him about skating, because, yes, they had known he was a figure skater. Luke divulged into the topic, happy to be speaking of something he loved, Michael’s interest genuine, Calum sporadically asking his own questions when he saw fit.  Luke could already tell they were going to be great friends.

*

Luke and Ashton huddled together under a blanket on Luke’s bed, their families downstairs, the celebration of the new-year bringing the families together once more. It was eleven fifty five, the boys counting down the minutes until it was official. Sounds of the small party downstairs made their way up to their ears, conversations and exclamations of New Year’s kisses reaching their ears. Luke and Ashton had chosen to abandon the party in favor of relaxing in Luke’s room, the TV on silent as the ball was being dropped.

Ben and Jack had invited their girlfriends this year, had commenced to tease Luke about his own love life- or lack thereof. Luke couldn’t help that he didn’t find girls appealing in that way. He never really had. The more he thought about it, the more it repulsed him. Sure, girls were beautiful in their own right, but that didn’t mean Luke was attracted to them. Luke had an idea of what this meant, or could possibly mean, but he stashed it away. He didn’t want to think too hard or too long on it, not feeling the need to put a label on himself. He was only fourteen.

“What are your resolutions this year?” Ashton asked curiously, his hazel eyes waiting for an answer.

“I’m not sure. Maybe… finally get a gold medal in competition?” Luke offered. He’d only ever gotten a silver in competition so far, and while he was proud of that, a gold medal would look perfect round his neck, a nice match to the gold chain Ashton still wore, the charm now falling right at his heart. “What about you?”

“Get my first kiss,” Ashton sighed, leaning back into the wall.

Luke and Ashton had been over their love lives lately, Ashton complaining that it was strange he was fifteen and had never been kissed. Luke laughed it off, telling him it was trivial and didn’t truly matter in the grand scheme of things. Ashton agreed eventually, but apparently, that desire was back.

Luke shook his head, puckered his lips jokingly and through a giggle said, “I’m waiting.”

Ashton lightly shoved him away with his own rupture of laughs. Luke collapsed onto Ashton as he laughed, his head landing in his lap, his eyes looking up at the boy who had gone back to looking serious. Luke calmed his chuckles, realizing that no matter how stupid he found this, it was honestly bugging Ashton. He sat back up, placed a comforting hand on Ashton’s shoulder, the older boy leaning into the touch. Luke sighed as words escaped him, his eyes drifting to the TV with less than a minute left in the count down.

Luke looked over Ashton fully, his heart fluttering at Ashton’s image. Ashton had gotten into straightening his hair lately, claiming it tamed his curls, but Luke figured it was just because it was on trend. Either way, the hair framed a beautiful face and shining hazel eyes. Luke was lost for a moment as he leaned in closer to Ashton subconsciously, halfway breaking out of it for the last ten seconds of the countdown, hearing Ashton whisper each number softly. When Ashton hit one and turned to look at Luke, Luke gathered all his courage and in one breath pressed their lips together.

It was awkward and clumsy at first, neither one of them exactly sure how to react to it, what their bodies should be doing, but it ignited a seamless realization within Luke. No matter how sloppy and unpracticed the kiss was, he knew he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Cheers from downstairs and glasses clinking in toast of celebration invaded Luke’s room as he closed his eyes, their mouths still firmly pressed together. Ashton had hesitantly placed his hands around Luke’s neck, as if he was unsure this was what was supposed to happen.  It was delightful and freeing as his emotions decided exactly what this meant.

Eventually they pulled apart, Ashton a little stunned at the turn of events but he smirked nonetheless, “Thanks Lukey.”

Luke pushed himself away from Ashton, leaning back against the wall, the blanket sprawled over them twisted in their hasty activities. Luke looked over and smiled at Ashton, happy he could help him meet one of his resolutions so soon. In fact, he was delighted that his and Ashton’s first kiss had been together. They’d always shared their first experiences with each other; their first time riding the big kid’s roller coasters at the fair, their first sleepovers, and now down to their first kisses. It was an undeniably beautiful feeling to have shared something so personal and intimate with Ashton. No matter what it had or hadn’t meant, Luke was glad it happened.

*

Luke sat on the metal bleacher, glad he’d worn sweatpants to Ashton’s playoff game, the bleachers colder than expected. He sat next to Anne and his mother, caught in the middle of their conversation, listening to them go on and on about work affairs and this and that. Luke blocked it out, waiting for Ashton to take the ice. A swarm of white and maroon skated onto the ice, Luke immediately cheering for Ashton when he came within eyesight. Luke still didn’t totally understand all the technical terms for hockey, but that didn’t stop him from cheering anytime Ashton had the puck.

Ashton had ended up scoring two goals during the game, bringing them to a win. The crowd had gone crazy, Anne standing to cheer for her son, Luke standing to cheer for his best friend. There was a frenzy around them as they descended the bleachers, picking seats high up for a better vantage point of the whole game. Luke had always loved to sit in the back, no matter the circumstance; at the movie theater, at hockey games, during car rides.

What felt like a crowd of a million had swarmed around them as they fought their way through, waiting for Ashton to come out of the locker room. They waited and waited, Luke figuring the coach had a speech prepared. The crowd thinned out as people made their way to their cars, some players already done in the locker room and greeting their families. Ashton took a while longer than usual, but finally emerged with a bright smile and immediate hug for his awaiting fans.

“Great job out there,” Anne congratulated as she broke away from the hug, Ashton then setting his sights on Luke.

Luke outstretched his arms and they gravitated towards each other, as natural as the earth revolving around the sun. Luke was smushed up against Ashton, burying his face in his shoulder as he said his own words of congratulations, mumbled and grumbled out as he had his lips pressed against Ashton’s shirt. He was brought back to New Year’s Eve, their secretive kiss lingering in the back of his mind. All too soon for Luke’s liking Ashton had broken away from the hug and moved on to Liz who had her arms open for him.

“So where are we going to go for a victory dinner?” Anne asked Ashton who thought it over. Liz and Luke trailed behind them, Luke watching the way Ashton moved, a softness to his strides, a light bounce in his step.

Luke had a long list of the things he admired about Ashton; but something about his gait was intriguing to Luke. How he carried himself was astronomically compelling. He had a certain confidence about him that led him through every step while still maintaining humbleness. How he could achieve something so intricate yet natural was a conundrum to Luke who had gangly limbs and the gait of a new born deer.

They all piled into Anne’s car, set off to celebrate with dinner at one of Ashton’s favorite restaurants. Luke and Ashton sat together in the back, Luke sat in the middle seat so they could be closer together, their heads bent over their gaming devices, little to no conversation between them as they played. Luke tried to keep his thoughts away from New Year’s Eve, even though it was undeniable that he yearned to go back to it. If he could have done it over again, he would’ve, he’d have taken that chance to tell Ashton all he really felt. Not just about Ashton, but about boys, about girls, about himself. But in the backseat of the car with their mothers in the front, he bit his tongue, that conversation one for privacy.

*

Ashton pressed closer into Luke’s side, their growing bodies taking up more space on the bottom bunk of Ashton’s bed than usual. All their gangly and growing limbs wrapped around each other in an effort to fit to the size of the bed. It was quiet in Ashton’s room, Anne at her shift at the hospital, the boys left to their own devices for the night. A building confession put pressure in Luke’s chest, a swirl of anxiety in his gut, and a shake to his hands that were wrapped behind Ashton’s back. He sighed, the breath coming out shaky, hitting Ashton’s neck who shifted, tilting them both up as he did so, noting the anxiety exuding out of Luke.

“Is something wrong?” Ashton asked, concern lacing his tone. It was less of a question and more of an observation disguised as a question. He flicked on his desk lamp, the once dark room alight, Luke observing that Ashton’s eyes were inquisitive, glossed over with a concern so raw it almost hurt.

“There’s something I want to tell you,” Luke began, unsure how else to go about this.

There were a million possibilities as to how this could go; good, bad, worse, damnation. Even though Luke knew the kind of person Ashton was- amazing, understanding, shining with warmth- Luke could only think of the ways this confession might fall into the underworld, surrounded by flames and utter destruction. Ashton grabbed Luke’s hand, a wash of calm and reassurance in the touch. Luke pursed his lips, his nose and eyes burning as he breathed in as evenly as he could muster.

“Did I do something wrong?” Ashton worried, the frenzy in his eyes flaming up.

“No, no,” Luke said, adamantly putting Ashton’s foolish worries to rest. “I have to admit something though.”

Ashton cocked his head to the side in wonder, “What is it? You know you can tell me anything. We can tell each other anything, right?”

The words held such a truth to them that Luke felt conviction run through him. They did tell each other everything. No matter what.

“Right,” Luke nodded, his eyes downcast as he built up a wall of courage, stained glass filled with colors surrounding him. “I think- no, I know- I- I like boys.”

That stained glass wall came crashing down around him, colors and radiant sunlight spilling all over him, Ashton’s smile enveloping him.

“I think I better tell you something as well,” Ashton said, catching Luke’s attention.

“What?”

Ashton scooted closer to Luke, the tips of their noses mere centimeters apart, “I like boys too.”

“You do?” Luke squeaked out, the confession surprising to him.

“Boys and girls,” Ashton admitted. “I think I’ve always known, but could never admit it to myself, until you kissed me that is. Then it became pretty clear.”

A new and fresh confession was on the tip of Luke’s tongue but he swallowed it down, not wanting to push boundaries too far in one night. Perhaps if he’d been a bit braver, he would have closed the distance between them, would have solidified his confession with the press of their lips once more. But, he cowered away from it, scooting back and falling to the pillow, exhaustion raw inside him as he had emotionally drained himself.

Ashton curled up beside Luke once more, all their worries and troubles meaningless as their bodies intertwined. Everything felt at least a thousand times better in Ashton’s embraces. And now that there was nothing but honesty between them, Luke could relax fully, melting into Ashton’s touch as he fell asleep.

*

Luke stood on the podium, the silver medal around his neck hanging heavily. He was proud; immensely so, but a gnawing disappointment burned in his eyes. Another club competition had come and gone, another shot at making his new year’s resolution coming true slipping past him in a haze of silver. He smiled though, put on his best act of sportsmanship he could, shaking hands with the first place recipient, the gold around his neck casting green into Luke’s mindset. He was jealous, admittedly so, envious even, the green monster inside of himself immediately turning down the corners of his mouth as he passed the boy, on his way to Ashton.

Luke’s parent’s hadn’t been able to make the competition, work engagements biding their time. Ashton greeted Luke with nothing but a smile and pride beaming from his features. Luke grasped at the silver around his neck, the medal sliding between his fingers as Ashton threw a supportive arm around Luke’s shoulder.

“You did amazing, I’m so proud!” Ashton said, encouragement and love dripping from the words.

“I only came in second,” Luke complained, and though it came out in a slight whine, the heartbreak was evident.

“Hey Luke! Great job out there!” Michael called from a distance away, his gloved hand waving at him.

“Thanks,” Luke called back, surprised that he’d showed up.

“Cal and I were pretty mesmerized,” he admitted as he neared, the tanned boy trailing him.

“It was pretty cool,” Calum said next, trying to shrug it off.

The weight around Luke’s shoulders shifted, Ashton readjusting his arm, reminding Luke that his friends hadn’t been properly introduced yet.

“Oh uh- Calum, Michael, this is Ashton. Ashton this is Calum and Michael,” Luke hastily introduced.

Calum nodded in acknowledgement while Michael greeted him a bit more animatedly, “It’s nice to meet you finally!”

“Yeah, Luke talks about you all the time,” Calum tacked on, earning an elbow to the ribs from Michael. Luke would have usually blushed in embarrassment, but, with Ashton it didn’t really matter.

“He’s said some nice things about you guys too,” Ashton laughed, running his hand up and down Luke’s arm.

“Only some,” Luke joked earning a scrunched up face from Michael.

“Oh I’m sure the rest is just dreadful,” he played along. “Anyway, we just wanted to say congrats!”

“We’ll see you at school tomorrow,” Calum exclaimed as they were pulled away by their parents, the small exchange ending quite quickly.

“See! Everyone is proud of you,” Ashton affirmed, an easy smile on his face.

“Sometimes I’m not,” Luke grumbled, shaking his head in disappointment as he gazed down at the second best color round his neck.

“Hey,” Ashton cooed, coaxing Luke to look up at him, their gazes crashing together. “You’ll always be first place to me.”

Luke looked up at him through his eyelashes, wet with brimming tears; tears of not only frustration, but that of a newfound reassurance.

“You promise?”

Ashton crossed his heart, his eyes never breaking the contact they held with Luke’s, “I promise.”

They walked out of the rink, the small distance to Luke’s house spent in silence, their bodies still pressed close together. Luke listened to Ashton’s breathing, the steady and rhythmic way he let out air. He listened to the way the gravel crunched under their feet, their footsteps in total synchronization. The chilly winter air had Luke wrapping his jacket tighter around himself and burying in closer to Ashton’s side; just as he had done that first time they’d gone skating. He reminisced on that moment, how Ashton was the leading cause for where he was now. Without Ashton, he would have never had the courage to be himself.

*

Over the past couple of years Luke had seen Ashton less and less. Their time spent together shorter than usual, their time spent apart greater than ever before. First it started off with days of no interaction, their hectic new schedules of juggling high school, sports, and family had kept them quite busy. They’d always catch up with each other though, a few hours spent here and there with each other enough to sustain their friendship. And suddenly, it seemed to Luke that all communication had stopped. In the blink of an eye it’d been months since he’d last seen Ashton more than just in passing.

Luke had Calum and Michael to pass the time with, building their friendships up to be a nice and sturdy distraction of the lack of Ashton. It seemed that neither boy truly knew what to think of the current circumstances, their mouths gone dry when they saw each other in the school hallway, their motions separated as Luke would flee the ice rink when the hockey team came in. Suddenly, they went from telling each other everything, to knowing almost nothing.

They’d grown and as heartbreaking as it is, no matter how much you cling to the hope that you won’t; sometimes you grow apart, not together. Luke had always thought in the back of his mind that they were like magnets; no matter how far apart they were pulled, the moment they were near, they’d come crashing back together, as if the distance was never there in the first place. In some aspects, that was true.

Deep within himself he knew that Ashton would always have his back, be there for him when needed. But needing to be there and wanting to be there didn’t necessarily correspond. And that realization was an uncontrollable burning in his eyes, tightness in this throat and pressure on his chest. It was late nights spent agonizing over ‘why’s’ and ‘what if’s’. It was written out text messages that always ended up being deleted before Luke’s thumb could press send. The realization was a new first for Luke and Ashton to share; heartbreak.

The distance that was once strangling, a monstrous entity that Luke gave life to in the dark of the night, had become less than. In time, the distance was a new routine. Sometimes, when they caught eyes, Luke could feel a shiver of remembrance run down his spine; late nights spent giggling, secrets shared and held between them, the solidarity of a beautiful friendship. The past Christmas and New Year’s had been alright, the boys coming together quite nicely, a perfect fit to a puzzle long forgotten. But this year; with the holidays creeping up on them, Luke couldn’t help but feel things would be quite different.

*

“Would you pass the salt?” Ashton asked, Luke suddenly perking up, looking up at Ashton who sat across from him, the distance immeasurable.

Luke passed the salt, a hint of a smile on his face as their families watched them, the pair like a deer caught in the headlights. If their families had noticed how odd it was that they were sat across from each other they didn’t comment on it. Ashton’s family had come to Luke’s house once again, Christmas Eve spent all together. This time though, conversation was mum between the two boys. Feeling the tension between them, Jack decided to intervene, God bless his soul for it was a Christmas miracle.

“So Ashton, the hockey team’s been doing pretty well huh?”

“Yeah, looks like we could be headed for another championship,” Ashton replied steadily, picking up new conversation.

Luke slouched back into his seat, pretending to listen as his mother eyed him, sensing that something was off. Liz had asked about the lack of Ashton recently, Luke brushing it off, telling her they were just busy and comforting her with lies of saying they still texted all the time. While Liz was glad Luke had found friends such as Michael and Calum it was still concerning to her as a mother that Luke had seemingly pushed away his best friend. It was heartbreaking as a mother to see her son sat across from someone who used to be so close and feel how far away they truly were.

“And I heard Luke got the gold in his last club competition,” Ashton’s voice cut through Luke’s tirade of thoughts.

“That’s right!” Liz beamed, putting on a front for everyone else’s sakes. “We wish you could have been there.”

Ashton fumbled around for an excuse, his heated cheeks showing his uncomfortability, “I had some stuff I needed to do.”

Ah yes, Luke was quite familiar with that excuse. Anytime Liz had suggested that maybe Ashton should come over for dinner Luke had whipped out the ol’ excuse. ‘But you see mother, I have homework to do.’ ‘Oh that won’t work, I have plans already.’ ‘I would love to invite him but-‘ and the list went on and on.

“Well there’s always next time,” Anne suggested with an oblivious smile.

Luke and Ashton nodded, synchronization at its finest; when they were under duress it seemed they worked like well-oiled machines perfectly in time with the other. The rest of the meal went on, the parents getting caught up in conversation, Luke’s siblings lost in their own talks, Luke and Ashton silently stealing glances at each other anytime they could. Sure, they got caught by each other almost every time, but to Luke, knowing that Ashton was looking sent electrifying jolts through him.

Sat across from him was no longer the boy who’d encourage Luke to get out on the ice, but a developing and handsome seventeen year old. Luke couldn’t quite dare to think of Ashton as a man yet- that was just too much. Ashton had gotten taller, but so had Luke, their height in a race to see who could peak first. He’d also put on a little bit of muscle, the definition in his arms just beginning to make headway. Luke was captivated by all that had changed, but completely and utterly lost by what had stayed the same.

There were a lot of constants about Ashton; his friendliness, his smile and dimples, his willingness to help. But that was minuscule compared to his eyes. To Luke Ashton’s eyes held all that he was. Shining hazel with depths of the person he was held within. With every blink came a part of Ashton; his intricate personality made up and broadcasted through his eyes.

As the meal came to an end and well wishes of good tidings and cheer were passed around, Luke bit down a rising sadness. This might very well be the last time he’d be able to really and truly see Ashton for quite a while. He hated to think that way, because deep down he knew if he wanted he could text Ashton and all would be right with the world, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to do that. They were both stubborn, infinitely waiting for the other to make the first move.

*

Luke rushed into the rink, the heavy double doors slamming shut behind him as he took in the free ice. The hockey team’s practice had finished a few minutes before and he needed to claim his time before any other people showed up. He loved the feeling of liberation that came with the loneliness of just him and the ice. His quality skating came with having the whole rink to himself, being able to do what he wanted and skate where he wanted, without the watchful eyes of his coach. Sometimes, he just needed to skate alone to remember why he loved it so dearly. He threw his gym bag on the floor as he sat on the bleachers, already pulling up his sweat pants at the bottoms to tug off his sneakers.

He discarded the sneakers in favor of his skates, lacing them efficiently and tightly, just as Ashton had taught him so long ago. He could hear the obnoxiousness that drifted out of the locker room, the hockey team apparently still changing, but he paid no mind to it as he wobbled over to the entrance of the ice. With that first step and glide onto the ice his adrenaline kicked in and his heart pounded in anticipation. He’d waited all day to get here, trudging through his school work, anxiously waiting for the hockey team to finish their practice. And finally, he was on the ice, but it was more than that. He was in his element.

As he began sinking into himself he heard the locker room door open and the hockey team emerge, his concentration inadvertently being pulled away from his improvised routine. He could feel the eyes on him before he saw them. His body was trained and used to feeling the gaze. Even through all the time spent apart, it was still completely recognizable to Luke. It was like learning to ride a bike, once you knew, you never totally forgot. Broken pieces of familiarity fell into place for him as excitement shot though him, his gaze finding its way to the hazel so intently watching him, drinking in the moment until the next time they’d cross paths.

*

“I still can’t believe you fell twelve times,” Michael laughed, nudging Calum, Luke chuckling along with them.

“I’m a soccer player, not figure skater,” came Calum’s rebuttal as he rubbed at his sore bum.

“I don’t even play sports and I managed to do better than you,” Michael retorted, their argument amusing Luke to the core.

He’d taken his friends to the rink, needing to get in some practice time but also wanting to socialize. He thought it would have been a good idea, but he quickly came to realize he’d be holding Calum’s hand the whole time, thus limiting him from doing anything less than remedial. He didn’t regret it though, it had been good fun, seeing Calum fall on his ass several times a sure fire way to work up a chuckle.

“Shut up, you didn’t do much better,” Calum grumbled in defeat, hanging his head low as he discarded his rented skates.

“Hate the game, not the player,” Luke cut in earning an approving look from Michael.

“That’s not even how that saying goes,” Calum chuckled, letting his own misery die so he could tease Luke for his mishap.

“Oh whatever,” Luke brushed it off with a smile.

They were just about to head out of the rink when the doors opened before them, their timing horrendous as the hockey team stepped up in front of them. Some of the larger players had taken to the front of the crowd, mockery already written on their faces as they took in the sight of Luke and his friends. Luke wanted to calmly pass them without incident but when words fell from their mouths he knew they weren’t going to let that happen.

“Hey look, its twinkle toes.”

“And he’s got boyfriends!”

“What a pretty boy!”

Luke had backed up, his friends stepping up to bat for him, trying to shut down the ignorant and belligerent comments. They didn’t stop though, they only pressed closer, more and more insults flinging through the air at him, spearing him in the gut. Over time the hockey team had become something of absurdity; more and more bullies donning the jerseys. He could feel them, the harsh words hitting him, each one like a slap to the face, knocking the breath out of him as Calum and Michael tried to make their way past them, holding onto Luke.

“You guys, cut it out.”

Luke looked up, a savior in athletic shorts silencing the rioting team. Luke’s heart nearly stopped, the outside world dulled as he looked at Ashton, nearly transported back to a time when he would’ve thrown his arms around the boy. But he was pulled back to reality as Calum and Michael tugged him out the door, Ashton’s scolding of the team persistent. Luke looked back, catching eyes with Ashton for a moment in time, his gaze quickly shifting to a glimmer shining from his neck. Placed at his heart was the charm Luke had given him. Faded and tarnished, but there all the same. And maybe it was a reach, but to Luke it resembled their friendship. No matter how hideous it had gotten lately, it was always going to be there.

*

Luke quickly made his way into the locker room, needing to change out of his school clothes before hitting the ice. He’d come straight from school that day, needing some time to think before heading home. The emotions that had been evoked from seeing the charm on Ashton’s chain were bogging him down, mixed feelings coursing through him. He’d been awake all night, over analyzing all it could have meant. He pulled his jeans off and quickly replaced them with athletic pants, something he could actually move in on the ice.

The door opening startled Luke, he didn’t think that anyone else would have been there so early. He knew the hockey team wasn’t scheduled until around five, giving him a solid couple of hours to himself. When he turned he was met with the sight of Ashton, not in his hockey gear, but school clothes just as Luke had been. He was slightly out of breath as he looked at Luke, seeming to struggle for words. Luke realized Ashton probably followed him to the rink after school, Luke oblivious to it with his headphones plugged in.

“Can we talk? About what happened?” Ashton asked, desperation almost tangibly emanating off of him.

Luke nodded, unsure how else to respond, unsure what had happened. Was it what had happened with the team yesterday? Or what had happened between them the past years? Either way, Luke would talk to Ashton about anything.

He’d backed up into the locker under Ashton’s gaze, the intensity holding strong as it never wavered. His stomach whirred with nerves; the kind of nerves that are onset by something unexpected yet not disastrous. He blinked, swallowed down a forming lump in his throat, and licked at his lips, his tongue momentarily catching on his lip ring.

There were a million unsaid words between them; painting the already thick air with an uncontrolled amount of rawness. If Luke were able to properly articulate all he wanted to say to Ashton, he would’ve. But instead, as the right words evaded him, he stood there, content to get drunk on the hazel sweeping across his body.

Ashton stood there as well, trying his best to bring his emotions down, as if they weren’t allowed to show that side of themselves to each other anymore. If it weren’t for the tiny gold charm hanging from his chain, Luke could have convinced himself they were strangers. With months and months in between forced family interactions, they’d grown and grown, each stretch of time between making them more unrecognizable to the other. Yet somehow, Luke knew in his heart, he’d always know and feel the boy standing before him. They would never truly be strangers. That wasn’t an option Luke ever wanted to face.

No matter how far apart they were, stood on opposite sides of the locker room, this was Ashton he was talking about. Ashton, the boy who had encouraged Luke to be himself. Ashton, the boy who had vigilantly and with all of himself protected Luke and his feelings first and foremost. Ashton, the boy he’d shared his first kiss with. Ashton, his first best friend. Just, Ashton, in as many and as little words and memories that floated between them. Luke took a tentative step forward, into the heartache and beauty of friendship loved and lost, his heart thudding and ramming against his chest.

“I’m sorry Luke,” Ashton said, the words mismatched to his appearance.

Ashton had put up guards physically, not letting his true feelings show through the façade of a set jaw and clenched fists. But, with the three words came a lifetime of emotion. A dam of sadness, regret, indecision, and contemplation had broken in the breathiness of Ashton’s voice. Luke looked through Ashton’s seemingly guarded demeanor, tells of his true emotions shining through, only things Luke could have picked up on breaking the barrier between them.

“It’s okay,” Luke reassured. He wasn’t completely sure he was talking about the incident outside of the locker room, the hockey team literally the last thing on his mind. He was also pretty sure Ashton wasn’t speaking of that either.

Another small step forward from Luke had Ashton gravitating a step towards Luke, the magnets finally in close enough range to come crashing back together. Luke passed the bench in his way, and dove into the midst of the heartbreak that stood between them, Ashton meeting him in the middle, their arms wrapped around each other instinctively, as if they were hurdled back through time and nothing had changed between them.

Ashton clutched onto Luke, like a lifeline. The pieces of the puzzle had fallen back together, no matter how jagged and bent they may have become, they still fit perfectly together. Luke pulled away slightly, their foreheads pressed together, Ashton’s hot breath caressing him. Luke grabbed and gripped at Ashton, tugging him closer, their bodies colliding once more, Luke desperate to never let go. Ashton’s hands came up to cup Luke’s cheeks, rubbing a soft thumb over one and then the other, catching fallen tears Luke hadn’t realized slipped out.

“I’m sorry,” Ashton whispered once more, nudging Luke’s nose with his own.

“I’m sorry,” Luke repeated, the words the same but the meanings totally and completely different.

They both had things to apologize for; their own wrong doings, their own ways of giving up. It wasn’t cut and clear on what exactly they were apologizing for, but it was abundantly clear they needed to say it, and hear it.  Luke got lost in Ashton’s eyes, how they were ever the same, gazing at Luke like when they were children. Back when they would tell each other ‘I love you’ before falling asleep. Back when they would share a bunk, back when things were easy and they were Ashton and Luke. Not Ashton… and also Luke.

Without noticing, Luke had leaned closer to Ashton’s lips, Ashton immediately following suit. And maybe it was wrongfully right that every part of their bodies were now in collision, synchronization dancing between their mouths. Somewhere along the lines Ashton had learned how to kiss, and how to kiss well. Luke was melting puddy in Ashton’s hands, trying to keep himself up right as he lost all that happened. Pleasure rocked his knees, Luke needing to lean his weight into Ashton as their footing fell back; Ashton’s back hitting the wall with a thud.

They never lost contact with each other, their hands roaming new places as their now swollen and cold lips kept on. Ashton nibbled at Luke’s lower lip, taking his lip ring in between his teeth until Luke groaned and Ashton worked his way to Luke’s jaw and then down his neck. A million broken promises and childhood memories pressed into the soft skin of Luke’s neck, Ashton marking his delicate skin with each and every one.

“I missed you so much,” Ashton said between kisses, the words muffled against Luke’s neck.

“I missed you too,” Luke whispered, pulling Ashton’s face up to see his, “I wish we hadn’t lost all that time. It was so hard without you.”

Ashton must have seen the honesty in Luke’s words, empathized with him for it was hard on Ashton without Luke. Ashton’s nostrils flared as the first of his own tears slipped out, Luke quick to wipe them away, shaking his head as he did so.

“I’m sorry,” Ashton said again, as if he were the only one to blame. Luke could see guilt eating at the older boy, Ashton always taking responsibility for everything.

“It’s okay, I’m right here,” Luke reassured, running his hands softly through Ashton’s hair.

Maybe they’d lost time, lost track of each other, but wrapped up in each other’s embraces, with whispered promises between them, Luke thought everything might actually be okay.

*

“You seem rather chipper,” Liz commented, eyeing her son from her position on the couch, a reality TV show on the screen before her.

Luke shrugged, “I talked with Ashton yesterday.”

For Liz, that was all the explanation she needed. She nodded knowingly, her mother powers on at full force. Usually she wouldn’t let these opportune parenting moments slide, but today she only offered Luke a smile.

“That’s good. Should I be expecting him around more often?”

“I think so,” Luke said vaguely, making his escape for the stairs before his mother could press further. He ran up them, two at a time, rushing to get to his bedroom.

Once he entered he threw himself on the bed, his fingertips lightly brushing his lips, Ashton’s essence still prevalent. He turned on his side, a turned down framed photo on his night stand catching his attention. He lifted it up, an old photograph within the black frame. He and Ashton were on the ice, the first time Luke had skated, grins donning their young faces. He recalled that day perfectly, and remembered why he had put the photo face down. He hadn’t been able to bare and see it over the past couple of years, yet something within himself wouldn’t let him put it away for good.

He traced the outline of the photo, glass beneath the soft pads of his fingertips, memories contained within. He bit his lip through a smile, lightheartedness driving through him. He fell asleep like that; with memories and joy in his grasp, all until his phone buzzed at him, signifying a text message. He rolled over, rubbing at his eyes, now surrounded by utter darkness. The phone buzzed once more, Luke reaching out for it, the brightness invading his vision, spots dancing momentarily until he adjusted.

A name and number he hadn’t seen on his screen in a long time stared back at him, a text message from Ashton lighting up the screen. He swiped at it, opening the message quickly, reading it over with a tired mind.

Ashton: You awake?

Luke typed out his reply quickly.

Luke: Yes.

Ashton: Meet me in the middle?

Luke pulled himself out of bed after that text, sending back a quick confirmation as he slipped on a pair of shoes and tugged on a jacket quickly. He checked the time, realizing that the darkness around him equated to night; it was already eleven o’ clock. What Ashton wanted so late at night, Luke was unsure, but he was more than willing to find out. He crept down the stairs, not wanting to disturb his sleeping family and slipped out the door, walking over to where their properties met. Ashton stood outside, the cold wind blowing about his hair as he greeted Luke.

 “Hey,” he said softly into the night, Luke reaching out as if to catch the word, instead of the syllable finding its way into his grasp, Ashton’s hand reached out for it instead.

“Hey,” Luke said back to him, a ripple of nerves- the good kind- working through him. They fluttered his stomach as Ashton stepped closer to him, their hands still entwined as Ashton hooked his other arm around Luke’s shoulders.

“Can we go for a drive?” Ashton asked as he pulled away from their embrace, jingling a set of keys with an arch to his eyebrow.

“Where?” Luke wondered as he followed Ashton to the parked car in his driveway.

“You’ll see,” Ashton responded vaguely as he got into the driver’s side, sticking the key in the ignition.

The hand me down car rumbled to life, Luke sat quietly in the passenger seat, years of trained silence surrounding them. It was never uncomfortable to not speak, it was never uncomfortable when they did- no matter the topic. Maybe, even though they’d endured the past couple of years they still had that ability. To say anything or nothing at all.

Luke watched the road as they went along, the white paint on the side of the road illuminated by the headlights. Soon enough, Luke found they were following a familiar path, a road that would take them to the outdoor ice rink they went to as children. Luke’s heart palpitated with excitement as Ashton pulled the car into the parking lot, letting it idle as the headlights lit up the rink. Being out so late provided a seclusion and feeling of wonder around them, the winter wonderland like crystals and diamonds shining before them.

“This is nice and all- but couldn’t it have waited until morning?” Luke questioned.

Ashton searched for Luke’s hand in the dark, Luke meeting him halfway, his smaller hand easily enveloped. They sat there for a moment more, Ashton collecting his thoughts and forming them into words, one more of the things Luke admired about him. Ashton had a way with words, such a way of articulation and expression that he could convince Luke the sun revolved around the earth if he wanted to.

 “I come back here every so often. Just to remember. And then in the locker room, everything fell back into place, you and me. And it felt so amazing and right and I never wanted to let it go, but, when I got home I received an early acceptance to university. And I realized I’d be leaving you, again.”

The words stung, biting into Luke’s skin with a vengeance and venom so startling his body shook. He squeezed Ashton’s hand and his eyes shut, hoping tears would not fall. He had to be strong. Ever since childhood Ashton had dreamt of attending university, of playing hockey for his school, and now he had early acceptance.

“When do you leave?” Luke managed to croak out.

“At the end of the semester, but it’s only a few hours away, it doesn’t have to change anything.”

Luke wanted to point out the fact that they’d been around twenty five footsteps away from each other and they’d managed to let their friendship fall through the cracks. A few hours translated into an eternity. And with the new undefined dynamic to their relationship Luke didn’t know how that would play out. Whatever they had become over the past day, he didn’t want it to end, not so soon after getting him back. But he had to be encouraging, just this once, for all of the times Ashton had been the one to push Luke to go after his dreams, Luke had to be supportive. He owed Ashton as much.

“I’m proud of you,” he said, sincerity taking over, there was no way those words could be said to Ashton as a lie.

Luke would always be proud of Ashton, no matter where his life led him, twenty five footsteps away from him or a few hours turned into an eternity. Ashton undoubtedly deserved this, and so much more, he deserved the world, more than the world in fact. Luke would have gone to the ends of the earth to make sure Ashton got what he deserved, and now, he had a start to it.

“Luke,” Ashton breathed out, tugging the younger boy closer to him, pressing a soft kiss to the top his head. “We’re going to be okay.”

Luke nestled into Ashton’s chest, sliding himself closer on the bench of the seat, wrapping around Ashton as best he could, “How can you be so sure?”

“Because we have each other, no matter what.”

 A bubble of anger rose in Luke, slowly spreading through his blood as he pushed away from Ashton, his back to the door of the passenger side, “But what about when we didn’t?”

Ashton looked honestly and utterly confused, “You can honestly tell me that there was a time in your life that I wouldn’t have been there for you if you needed me?”

Luke’s hands clenched around nothing but broken and still air, the breaths between them tense as he shook his head, “That doesn’t mean that you would’ve _wanted_ to be there.”

The way Luke’s voice highlighted the word had Ashton breaking, and maybe it was so wrong of Luke to do so, to put blame on Ashton after all this time, after they’d already started to mend the broken pieces, but his mind didn’t know what else to do. He was in a frenzy, a chaotic storm working through his mind and body, running rampantly across his emotions. And when he finally pulled himself out of that storm, surfacing to see hurt hazel eyes, Luke realized just how wrong he was.

“I didn’t mean that,” Luke backtracked, desperately trying to save them.

“You did,” Ashton refused, “And it’s okay. Because I used to feel the same about you.”

“You did?”

“Yes. But I promise you that I’ve always, always, _always_ wanted to be there. But after a while, I just didn’t know how, I didn’t know that you wanted me there. I felt like I didn’t know you anymore.”

“I’m still the same,” Luke reassured, inching his way back to Ashton, back to the warmth and familiarity, back to all of the memories and love that exuded so easily from him.

“I know you are,” Ashton replied, scooting closer to Luke, wrapping his arms around him protectively. “I want to be there for you, with you, for as long as you’ll have me.”

“I want you always,” Luke said, his fingers running over Ashton’s chest, crossing his heart in a silent promise.

*

“That’s the last of it,” Ashton said, shutting the trunk of the car, looking to his mother with a fond smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bright and early we’ll be up there. Don’t you two get up to anything foolish,” Anne warned, embracing her son who had come around to the driver’s side, Luke sat in the passenger seat.

“Nothing too foolish,” Ashton promised as he broke away, the car fully loaded with all he would need for his freshman year of college.

Luke rolled down his window to say goodbye to his mother, just for the night, she and Anne trekking it up there after Anne’s shift at the hospital. Liz squeezed Luke’s hand once as a goodbye, knowing she’d see him soon. He rolled up his window after that, sat in silence, Ashton and Liz’s new discussion mum to him from the inside of the car. Liz embraced Ashton quickly after they exchanged words and Ashton was soon enough in the car, his seatbelt in place.

“What was that about?” Luke wondered, fiddling with his lip ring as they pulled out of the driveway.

“Nothing for you to worry about,” Ashton chuckled, able to push Luke’s buttons down without even trying.

“C’mon, just tell me,” Luke plead, hating when people kept information from him.

“It doesn’t matter,” Ashton insisted giggling some more as Luke shrank in his seat and glowered. “Oh come on. Don’t be that way.”

“I’m not being anyway,” Luke lied, well aware of his attitude.

“Don’t pout, Lukey, it’s not a good look on you.”

Luke didn’t dignify that with a response other than a harrumph, he was adorable all the time, and he damn well knew it, and so did Ashton.

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell you, pouty pants. If you really must know…”

Luke waited and waited for Ashton to elaborate as they got on the interstate, merging with the afternoon traffic. Luke wasn’t going to be the first one to break the silence around them, Ashton had some explaining to do, and he wasn’t going to prod him further.

“She told me she found some university applications in your room,” Ashton finally said, the words immediately staining Luke’s cheeks a bright red.

“Well I do have to start filling them out soon, I just wanted a head start,” Luke explained dryly.

“You didn’t tell me you were looking into my college,” Ashton replied easily.

“You don’t own the place, Ash,” Luke responded, eliciting a chuckle from Ashton.

“Is it really where you want to go?” Ashton questioned, weight behind the words.

Luke thought it over for a moment, “It’s an option. I’m also highly considering another one.”

Ashton turned on his blinker as he checked his blind spot before going into the passing lane to pick up their speed, “And where would that be?”

“The main campus is around fifteen minutes away from yours,” Luke admitted.

Ashton smiled from the driver’s seat, letting the expression speak all the words for him. They held easy banter and conversation through the rest of the drive, pulling onto campus at around five, unloading all of Ashton’s things quickly; his single room easily accessible on the first floor of the building.

“Finally,” Luke said, collapsing on the freshly made bed, Ashton quick to jump on top him.

“Oh don’t complain now,” Ashton silenced, pressing a finger to Luke’s lips jokingly.

Luke reached up and entwined their hands together, shifting on the small bed so Ashton was completely straddling him. He used his free hand to pull Ashton’s face down, his fingers tangling into his hair as their lips collided. Luke loved that Ashton had let his hair be free lately, his curls taking over. Luke rolled them over so he was on top, his hands roaming up and underneath Ashton’s shirt, the pads of his fingers ghosting over Ashton’s toned stomach, Ashton’s own hands working to free Luke of his shirt, their lips never breaking from each other.

This was a first for Luke and Ashton, slowly taking their time to discover the intricate details and wonders their bodies could provide each other. And when all was said and done, their bare bodies slick with sweat and resting all tangled together, Luke sighed and let his eyes slip closed, exhaustion pure within him.

Ashton gently pet Luke’s hair, as Luke sighed out, “G’night Ashton, I love you.”

Luke would never tire of hearing the words Ashton said next, “I love you, Lukey.”

*

Around a year later Luke held his phone up to his ear, each ring on the other side filling him with anticipation for the answer. He looked down in his lap, mail from his choice school sitting unopened. He’d already gotten an acceptance letter from Ashton’s school, but he’d also decided that if he were accepted into this school, it’s where he would be going. He and Ashton had already made plans for either scenario, somehow holding on during their year apart from each other.

“Hello?” Ashton answered, his voice a bit far off.

“Ash! I got a letter from my school,” Luke said, getting straight to the point.

“What’d it say? Did you get in?” Ashton asked, all sorts of excitement painting his voice as he got closer.

“I haven’t opened it yet, I wanted to do it with you,” Luke explained as he fiddled with the letter, nervousness washing through him.

“I’m right here,” Ashton responded, even through the distance and time, Luke knew Ashton was always with him.

Luke ripped the letter open, trying to be careful not to damage the inside contents. A brochure and welcome letter stared back at him, words escaping him as he beamed with joy and pride.

“Lukey? You there?”

Luke came back down to earth for a moment, long enough to respond to Ashton, “Yeah, yeah. I’m here. Looks like we’ll be moving somewhere in the middle.”

“Oh Luke! That’s amazing!”

*

Paint fumes spread through the tiny confines of their apartment, a second coat being applied to cover the grimy walls. They hadn’t been able to afford a place that was immaculate, it was rather disgusting before they’d cleaned it up, but it was theirs. Luke rolled the paint brush up and down the wall, watching as the color covered and spread evenly. Ashton came up from behind him, wrapping his arms around Luke’s waist.

“We should take a break,” he whispered into Luke’s neck. “Get out of here before the fumes get to our heads.”

“We’re not done yet,” Luke declined, just wanting the place to be finished.

“So?”

“So, if you helped me we’d be done sooner,” Luke reminded, making a point of handing Ashton a paint roller, a look of spoken volumes being shot at him.

“Fine, fine,” Ashton relented, taking the roller from Luke to help out.

In less than half the time they had finished painting their bedroom walls, the deep blue doing a great job of covering any and all grossness that had been embedded previously. Ashton trudged over to an open box, Luke’s name written on the side of it in Sharpie. Ashton reached into the box, pulling out a familiar black frame, staring down at it fondly.

“I remember this day,” he said, spinning to face Luke, the frame still in his clutches.

“That was when you taught me how to skate,” Luke recalled, the photo holding more than just that memory for Luke. For the longest time it had been a representation of them.

“We should go back on the ice together, just for fun,” Ashton suggested, a twinkle in his eyes and on the charm still around his neck.

Those were the words that had brought them to the rink, and then to the locker room, Luke with his back pressed against the lockers, Ashton hovering before him. Lust filled both of their eyes, knowing what they wanted from each other, and that they weren’t willing to wait. They’d locked the door from the inside the moment they’d stepped in, able to read each other’s minds and body language as they’d walked to the locker room, hands all over each other.

Desire spread through Luke like molten lava; heat staining his cheeks red. The burn slowly inched its way down his throat, across his chest, slowly crawling down his rib cage, tendrils of warmth wrapping around each bone, drifting in and out until it came to settle in his stomach. A flickering blaze was his lifeline as Ashton’s lips danced down his neck to his collarbone, leaving a trail of remembrance on the soft skin. Their hands intertwined against the cool metal of the lockers, the back of Luke’s hands cooling to the touch as they glided along the metal like skates on ice.

The flickering flame all but bursted to color as Ashton’s hands tugged Luke’s shirt up, up, up, and over his head, his lips breaking contact with his skin only long enough to do so. Luke’s icy hot arms fell with the material as it made its way to the floor behind Ashton, Luke’s arms instinctively wrapping around Ashton’s back. His nails dug in beneath the fabric of Ashton’s shirt, searching for a solace as hot moans slipped from his throat. Ashton’s mouth met the chorus of moans, bringing them to a crescendo as his tongue swept across Luke’s lower lip, sensations and overwhelming urges pulsating the heat within him.

Ashton’s hands griped Luke’s waist, his thumbs rubbing circles into his hip bones, the intensity of their fervor for each other having chills running down Luke’s spine. The hot and cold mixing into a mesmerizing reaction. Luke’s hands gripped Ashton’s shirt tightly; tugging and yanking it up until Ashton broke away and stripped it off completely, only to come crashing back to Luke seconds later, their magnetic attraction undeniable. Luke tilted his head back as his hands found a new home tangled up in Ashton’s curls, tugging them slightly as his legs wrapped around Ashton’s waist, their bodies pressed together; a heated mess between them.

Ashton took Luke’s weight into his own hands, spinning them around and dropping Luke on a bench that was once behind them, wasting no time in climbing on top of him. His swollen lips pressed sloppy kisses down Luke’s chest to that growing flame of desire in his stomach. When Ashton resurfaced from the haze of lava around them, his burning hazel eyes searching the depths of Luke’s cool blue ones, his weight supported on his hands, Luke nodded, slipping his pants off and pulling Ashton back down on top of him.

Their hips found a glorious rhythm until it suddenly stopped, Ashton’s hands dipping into the waistband of Luke’s boxers, Luke groaning as the flame dropped lower and lower, also managing to stay steady in his stomach as Ashton built up amazing sensations, his hands working wonders Luke had desperately missed. The heat was exciting and needed, each little touch causing a chain reaction within Luke. Each stroke sending fires burning through his being, his hands clutching at Ashton’s curls, his lips parted, trembling with desire, his hunger for Ashton seemingly insatiable, needing more and more of the older boy to satisfy him.

Ashton dipped his head down, his hands still pumping as he ghosted softer than feather kisses to Luke’s shoulder, the fire of his eyes dulled to that of glowing embers. When Ashton’s eyes met back with Luke’s, warmth radiating from their shared gaze, unsaid emotions rising as Luke’s sweat riddled skin glistened under the lights above them. Ashton’s gaze didn’t break as he continued working, that flame inside of Luke ready to combust into a full grown fire as he neared his climax, the embers in Ashton’s eyes reigniting into an ethereal being as he attacked Luke’s neck once more.

Ashton’s hands slipped away from where they were needed most, searching to strip Luke of the only material left on his body. Luke arched his back and lifted as Ashton got him out of his boxers, Luke’s hands trying to unbuckle Ashton’s belt, sliding his jeans down his hips, a hardening outline greeting him from inside his boxers. Ashton lifted them up, Luke straddling him as they learned the ever changing curves and edges of each other’s bodies, lust filled touches and moans accompanying them. The realization of what would be needed to continue to fulfill their desires dawned upon them, Ashton handling it, quickly returning to Luke who whimpered as they reconnected.

Luke raked his hands from Ashton’s curls down to his back, leaving a trail of red, marking him lightly, eliciting a low grumble from Ashton. They awkwardly fumbled around until they were both bare, Ashton’s hands finding new ways to pleasure Luke. They took it slow, Ashton taking time to prepare Luke, the awkward angles and tiny space of the bench throwing hurdles in their way, but they blissfully ignored it, jumping past them without much of a second thought. Adapting for their needs.

Pleasure eventually intensified in Luke as Ashton’s slick fingers slowly but surely worked on him, euphoria running through his blood, sprinting past his closed eyes as he saw stars. When Luke was ready and he’d been returning the favor to Ashton, his body pulsing and throbbing with need, Ashton entered him, slowly at first, working their pace steadily. Black and blue attacked the orange glow of Luke’s closed eyes as he was able to pleasure Ashton in a way no one else ever had. Luke buried his face in the crook of Ashton’s neck, biting at Ashton’s collarbone to keep himself from crying out in ecstasy; letting Ashton ride out his bliss, whispered words of pleasure hitting hot against Luke’s ear. And by the time they had finished, that flame inside of Luke had turned into a shared inferno, put out only by their sweat and pants.

*

They were sat around the Christmas dinner table, Ashton to Luke’s side, their hands entwined under the table. They’d told their families of their relationship the moment they had solidified it way back when they were teenagers, their families nothing but happy and encouraging of them. Liz and Anne had been thrilled, their babies had grown up to fall in love with each other, just like they had secretly hoped and planned for all those years. When asked about being all grown up, a year out of college with stable jobs, Luke panicked.

The woes of adulthood; all the responsibilities, the trials and errors, trying not to forget his past while being caught up in the present had all piled on top of each other, baring a heavy weight on him. They teetered precariously, his stunted hands the only thing trying to keep them sturdy. Feeling that he inevitably failed, all of them falling, falling, crashing, smashing into a million jagged pieces, like a mosaic never able to be put back together the way it once was. He no longer needed to lean the weight of his world on Ashton’s shoulders, but he knew Ashton was always going to be there to pick up the fallen pieces and help stick them back together. Maybe they would never be the same as they once were, but with Ashton’s smile beaming at him, he knew it could be more beautiful than ever.

Luke had struggled to find a job he was passionate about, that leaving him feeling shattered for a while, not knowing where else to turn other than Ashton. But he’d found his way, Ashton holding his hand all the while. Calum had called him up one day, their friendship still intact after college, telling him a nearby rink was looking to hire a figure skating coach. That had led him down the right path, he’d found himself managing the ice rink as well as coaching on the side. Ashton had eventually phased out of hockey, reaching his peak during his junior year in college, he’d went on to pursue a new dream, with some wise words from Luke, he’d become a motivational speaker.

Now that they were all settled into their lives, finding a newer and cozier apartment to share, that broken mosaic shined within the walls of their home, their loved for each other undeniably a showing force. They’d eventually figured it out, that no matter how much they may have felt they were falling apart, they could always come together again and again.

*

On New Year’s Eve Luke had a casual arm around his boyfriend, his head leaning into Ashton’s shoulder, escaping to Luke’s old bedroom in his parents’ house. It hadn’t changed much, only some of his things missing; the framed photo in their shared apartment, hung up proudly in their bedroom. They were sprawled out on the bed, taking comfort in each other’s arms.

“Oh Luke! I forgot, I have one more Christmas present for you,” Ashton said, nudging Luke lightly.

Luke lifted his head in confusion, squinting at Ashton, “What?”

Ashton strode over to Luke’s old dresser, Luke wondering how he could have missed a present being hidden in there, pulled a box out of the drawer as he came back and got on one knee, the countdown for the New Year baring thirty seconds. Luke’s heart pounded as Ashton lifted the lid of the box slowly.

Nestled inside the box was a pair of laces, disappointment running through Luke as he swallowed back a lump in his throat.  Ashton eyed Luke as he put on an appreciative smile and took the laces in his hands, sweeping his eyes over them over quickly. On the end, embroidered in each one was the initials ‘L.I.’. Luke looked back up at Ashton who had pulled a ring out of seemingly nowhere, the metal band gleaming against the cast of the TV’s brightness.

“Will you marry me?” Ashton asked as the countdown timer hit ten seconds.

Luke fell to the floor with Ashton, his knees hitting the ground with a thud as he tugged Ashton as close as possible, their bodies connecting easily.

“Yes,” Luke said over and over again as he buried his face in Ashton’s chest.

Cheers from downstairs signified the New Year, Luke breaking away from Ashton’s chest to plant his lips on Ashton’s, sharing their first kiss of the year and as fiancés. Ashton’s fingers ran across Luke’s jaw, the kiss quickly turning heated, but Ashton pulled away before anything further could happen. He grabbed Luke’s hand and slipped the ring on his finger, once more wiping tears Luke didn’t know he’d shed. They shared another kiss, salt and love mixing between their connected lips.

When Ashton broke away once more he lifted them both to their feet and led a dubiously following Luke to the bedroom door, opening it and hollering out down the stairs, “He said yes!”

More uproarious cheers came from the living room, Luke connecting the pieces.

“You told them before you asked me?” Luke questioned incredulously.

“I wanted to see if they thought you’d say yes.”

Luke shook his head unbelievingly as he rolled his eyes at his fiancé, “I can’t believe you’d ever think I’d say no.”

“Maybe I did, but you didn’t think I was going to ask, did you?” Ashton rebutted, Luke sure he was referring to when his face had dropped at the sight of laces in the box after seeing Ashton on his knee.

“Thanks for the laces,” Luke joked and pressed a kiss to Ashton’s temple. “And the ring.”

*

At the end of the altar, Luke stood surrounded by his friends and family; Jack, Ben, and Calum in his groom’s court. Michael was in Ashton’s, the pair quickly befriending each other in college. The church they had chosen was beautiful, stained glass windows at the head of the altar, lighting the room in colors as the sun peaked in the sky. They’d only invited the important people in their lives to witness their matrimony. Ashton stood opposite Luke, teary eyes filled with tenderness as he looked at his soon to be husband. As Ashton’s eyes danced over Luke he filled with something more pure than happiness, something much more complex and divine running through his veins, waiting to say his vows.

When the time came and their wedding bands were now on their fingers, the minister prompted them, putting a spin on the traditional words of ‘I do’s’.

“Do you promise to take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Ashton slid his fingers across his chest, “I promise.”

“And do you promise to take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Luke mimicked the motion with every fiber of his being, he made a new first promise, to himself, to Ashton, to their love, “I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is always appreciated! :)  
> Come talk with me on [Tumblr!!!](lashtonsillusion.tumblr.com)


End file.
